Day Twenty-Three: Homecoming Realizations.

So I missed two days, I’m sorry guys, apparently I suck whenever the weekend rolls around.

I’m home for the holidays and many people would argue taking a vacation home for the holidays is needed, the more I stay here the more I realize maybe not so much. My family would be heartbroken if I had not come home but other than that it is boring and I miss money. But it is the holidays, I shouldn’t be so depressing/annoyed/negative/disappointed/angry basically all things negative, I need to appreciate being home and this weekend was a nice little trip home.

I reunited with good friends, you realize you reunite with your closest friends the first weekend because they go out of their way to contact you and hang out with you. The others that you have to contact first and continue to contact them, you realize how much your friendship is worth to them by how frustrating it is to reunite with them. Yes, the holidays are busy, but you always have time for your best friends, at least I know I do.

This time coming home, I lived away from home the longest I ever have before. Yes, I studied abroad in London for a few months, I went to live in Chicago for a school yet, but I have lived in Southern California for 14 months. While I don’t agree that California is my home yet, I am coming to this realization that New Jersey isn’t anymore. I am kind of stuck in the middle and, not to sound cliche, but Andrew Largeman’s monologue in Garden State sums it up pretty perfectly:

Andrew: You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew: You’ll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it’s gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It’s like you feel homesick for a place that doesn’t even exist. Maybe it’s like this rite of passage, you know. You won’t ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it’s like a cycle or something. I don’t know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that’s all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place.

I know that kind of is a downer, but it is so true for me right now. I’m not sure how I feel about it. I don’t really feel anything in particular about anything, which is a bit bothersome. But I am just sort of stuck, it’s a weird feeling.

Sorry for bringing you down, but I’m just in a wishy washy mood. Happy eve of Christmas eve! I am pretty excited or Christmas, I can say that is for sure.

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