I can’t relax.

Sunday was a needed relaxing lazy Sunday with a friend but I’ve realized I’ve forgotten how to relax. She came over and did laundry (because her place charges her $25 a month to use the facilities, what?) and we baked cookies and watched a new classic Tom and Huck (which is still good and while not to say pedophilia isn’t one of the worst things in the world, I understood it more looking at young JTT and having the same feelings 7 year old Kelly had). But I wasn’t fully relaxed. I rushed to make the cookies, watched the movie while on my laptop or ipad or phone, scouring the internet for “who is the guy why does he look familiar?” “where’s JTT now?” “any new job opportunities,” “any new craigslist jobs,” “any new Facebook postings on jobs.” Sure I watched the movie but I didn’t 100% pay attention because I couldn’t disconnect. When I tried to, it was like five maybe ten minutes til I opened up the internet again. What happened to me?!

I know I sound like an asshole, but I am not one of those friends that scroll their phone when they’re talking to you, I do have those friends and they infuriate me. But is this how our society is becoming?

I know I have a lot on my mind and constantly worry about work and money (yay ADULTHOOD) but sometimes you need your brain to relax and…I forget how to do that.

I used to be able to read an entire book in one sitting without ease. Now when reading, I read a chapter and stop to check my phone, I read another and make sure there’s no email, I read another and half read it because I’m worried about money and work. Is this how adulthood is? Like when will I reach that moment of ease and relax again?

Basically, to reach that moment again, aside from apply to jobs for at least 2-3 hours straight a day, I have also been playing the lottery. I played a few weeks ago, today I played again, so hopefully I’ll be a millionaire by Tuesday. Wish me luck because then I’ll be able to disconnect from the internet and the world and enjoy reading, watching, and relaxing again.

Do you guys have this problem? How do you make yourself relax? TEACH ME.

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