Tag Archives: happiness

Love what you do.

Hey guys, the year is almost over, how the hell did it happen? Who knows. Anyway, this year has been tumultuous — to describe it in one word. Lots of shit went down personally and just world-wise. Ultimately, you have to focus on the good and what makes you feel good, for me? It’s stand up comedy.

I’m not sure if you guys are familiar with my like “story” but I’m from NJ and I moved to LA to do comedy. I started out doing improv, did some in NYC, but right now I’m focusing on stand up and writing online sketches. Sure I could’ve started in NYC…but I’m dumb and also I just wanted to live somewhere warm, so I mainly started out here. It can be a struggle booking shows, writing material, and just being consistent but man, do I love it.

Everyone has a different journey to happiness. Sometimes are family driven — they work a boring day job but have a family and spend all the time in the world with them. Some are career driven — they just focus on work. Some are just life experience driven — they work but spend their money on doing stuff like traveling and seeing the world. And, some people are just extremely lucky and are all three. I think no matter how much I want to find love (I mean doesn’t anyone?) I am a see-saw in between the life experience and career driven. I love traveling but also, I love stand up comedy.

There has been many a night where I feel shitty and sad because I’ve been working all day and I don’t want to go to an open mic or a show I’m on, I’m just feeling unfunny and not good, but I push myself. I push myself to go and then 9 times out of 10 I feel 1000% times better for doing so. Why? Because man, nothing feels better than just making a room laugh. You write something that’s all you, you perform it, and people love it and laugh at it — it’s like seeing your baby thrive, you know? Jokes are my babies. I struggle a lot at mics and with the idea of me losing my funny but it is like the universe knows when you feel shitty because right when you’re super low you have a killer set and feel like you’re on top of the world again.

It’s not even just that, sometimes it’s just surrounding yourself with great people that do what you do. I have other friends that don’t do comedy and they’re great and I love them, but sometimes you just need your comedy friends. It’s such a relief to just riff about comedy specials or discuss ideas for bits with people that just fucking know and relate to it. We’re the same type of person, we don’t have to explain why we like comedy or why we started doing it — we just know and get each other. We don’t even have to be talking about comedy all the time (but honestly we do pretty frequently) but just being with each other it is a certain level of comfort. We get each other without ever announcing it, you know?

I feel very, very lucky to be apart of such a cool community like this. In a way, I have automatic built in friends. I just went on a hike with someone yesterday who I’ve never seen do a set but because we were both comics we were like “yeah of course we’ll hang and be friends” it is just like that sometimes.

In a way, I have no clue what it is like being a normal adult. I work a day job with some other comics, then at night I go to mics and shows up until 2am sometimes. I’ll write in between or have a night focused on that. But right now my life is comedy. Some days I wish it wasn’t, some days I wish I was fine settling in NJ with some dude and creating a family while at work at the hospital as a receptionist but man…how boring would that be? Sure I would definitely be saving money and I could be traveling more but is that what life fulfillment is supposed to be? Waiting on the next vacation after the next? I want something everyday that’ll excite me, that’ll motivate me. As much as it stresses me out, I love doing comedy. It makes me feel like I’m doing something with my life even though honestly I’m just telling poop jokes on stage. I guess some people have hobbies that make them happy in their daily lives, I have no time, it’s just comedy. And you know what? I don’t think I would have it any other way.

Your life is what you make of it, make sure you’re doing something with your life that you love and the happiness will just follow through.

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Reasons Why I’m Lucky #1

1. Even though I don’t have a full time job. I have a lot of random fun jobs like this weekend I worked at Expo West and it was so much fun. I also received so much delicious stuff. It’s funny because this weekend I thought I was going to be bored and ended up working so much instead.

2. My sketch comedy show is amazing. Not only because I think it’s hilarious (I’m biased, but still it is!) but my fellow cast members are such creative and talented individuals I am so lucky to be friends and work with them. Also they are such genuinely great people, even the AD and director, I cannot say one bad thing about them.

3. My new apartment and finding it so quickly. I haven’t moved in yet, but it is less stress. Plus my new roomie seems chill and great.

4. My family and their support. It’s funny when you move away you become close with people you wouldn’t expect. I received two wonderful, like just motivational letters from my great Aunt Bernice saying how proud she is of me and it just makes me so happy to be loved and blessed with such a great family.

5. Being able to live in California and work towards my goal in becoming an accomplished actress everyday.

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Finding Happiness.

Sorry guys, I’m about to bring it down for this post, a downer personal post. Be prepared.

Everyone has goals in life. Whether it be success, love, knowledge, etc. Mine is happiness.

People I’m sure are believed to be living for a reason, I believe we have a reason for living. I haven’t really found this reason yet, but I think that’s the point. For me, it has been a constant struggle with finding happiness and just being happy. I can’t remember the last time I was actually happy. There have been happy moments like traveling abroad, going home to visit friends, performing, but there hasn’t been a day of constant happiness. Where for a moment, I look back on myself and think that I’m happy living this life, and I’m not sure if there will ever be that moment.

I hide this sort of battle behind trying to do a lot of things like working, traveling, exercising, performing. I love traveling because it’s a break from reality but also continues the search. But when there are gaps, I tend to feel the burn more. Currently I’m unemployed and really only have a few friends out here in California, so there’s a lot of alone time. A lot of time for me to be left with my thoughts. Sometimes it’s inspirational and I write funny jokes and work on my blog, most times it’s not. I try to hide this with sleeping a lot, if I was a happy person, I’d totally be waking up at 9AM working out and going on with my life, but I always attempt to and end up sleeping longer. When you have unplanned days with friends that hardly hang out with you, what’s the point? You can sleep as long as you want.

I tend to be that “I don’t give a shit” person. You know, I’m chill, I don’t give a shit about drama and such. But sometimes I wish I did, I wish I cared. But I feel like if I cared more I’d get hurt more and I’m already wounded.

I moved out here to try and be happy, perform, make friends, create a life, and I’m just stuck again. Always searching and never finding this happiness. It makes me wonder if happiness exists or it’s a positive state of mind version of ignorance. When you just don’t know any better so might as well put a smile on that face and be happy!

I don’t know…and I might never know. Hopefully, I look at it as if I become successful there is a chance for happiness. We shall see. Only a year left to decide anyway.

How about you guys? What are your goals in life? Success, love, knowledge, happiness? Tell me what’s on your mind.

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Karaoke in the Car Songs.

Well today was not a good day for me. I was fired. How was I fired? By a phone call. Yes, yes I did tell the a little short notice that I was leaving to go home for Christmas for two weeks but to call me on the phone and not let me work a week is just wrong. So, I was sad today. I had to drive down to my Uncle’s too by myself and needed a pick me up so what did I do? Blast some fun songs and had a little karaoke in the car. It sure helped. Here are my favorite songs to sing in the car:

1. “Total Eclipse of the Heart” by the Glee Cast
2. “Like a Prayer” by Madonna
3. “Somebody to Love” by Queen
4. “Monster” by Kanye, Jay-Z, Rick Ross, and Nicki Minaj
5. “Circus” by Britney Spears
6. “MMMBop” by Hanson
7. “Wild Wild West” by Will Smith
8. “All You Wanted” by Michelle Branch
9. “I Just Wanted Your Love” Alexz Johnson
10. “The Bitch of Living” by Spring Awakening
11. “Piano Man” by Billy Joel
12. “Jizz in My Pants” by The Lonely Island

I know, it’s a strange variety of 90’s music, rap, and silly songs, but what can I say? They make me happy.

What are some songs you like doing car karaoke to?

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